This week was just another week.

Nothing more and nothing less. Our wifi went out on Monday and didn’t get turned back on till Saturday morning. Somehow I was able to do enough homework to stay afloat this week. But I am pretty far behind so this week will be a lot catch up. Which stresses me out but little bits at a time I will get caught up. And I just had a lot going on this week. Work trainings, activities to make up for fallen-through-dates, trying to find out where I am supposed to be for a meeting and ending up missing it entirely. So this week I feel pretty beaten up. Like BYU getting beaten by Michigan. I am sucking it up in a lot of my classes; especially in my acting class which is embarrassing because that’s my major.  I just haven’t been able to focus. Oh my face is also breaking out which is also embarrassing. So 2/3 categories of life I am still struggling with. Oh but the work category is pretty good. I got promoted to Crew Supervisor. Which is fine and dandy except that none of coworkers think I can actually do it. And always ask me if they need to stay and watch just in case. Which makes me feel like no one thinks I can handle it. So I guess I could say I am being cynical, I am not. Just stating the crap that weighs me down. This week is a new week and it has the potential to be better. Especially with General Conference just around the corner. So chin up folks. Tomorrow is always a new day.

37 Days.

Finished my third week of school. And it has been 37 days since I moved in. What an adventure. If I could use one experience to explain how I am feeling it would be this one. This past week my boss informed me that I had gotten a raise, a .25 raise but it still means that I would be making a couple of extra dollars. But then my workplace had a “schedule audit” and my hours got cut just enough so that the raise got cancelled out. And that describes my life right now. I feel like I take a couple steps forward and then a couple steps back. I think I am caught up on homework and sleep and then I realize I have so much more to do. It’s a torturous process. That’s why I have so many countdowns. If I can just make it to the next day, the next week, the next month; I’ll be okay. Recently I have been trying lots of new things to battle this torturous cycle. I joined a soccer team. Not that I have ever played. But I really wanted to. So I had my first game on Thursday. By the end of the night I think the other team was scared of me. Haha! I was just really aggressive in order to make up for my lack of foot finesse. I bulldozed a couple of girls and kicked a lot of shins. Other than still being sore, it was a great experience and I have another one on Saturday! I am also trying to make eating healthy a goal. But today I also ate a half bag of candy corn… We all make mistakes. And this whole new lifestyle choice, I guess you could say is not for weight loss but more of a detox. I read, and I read a lot of blogs and this week I read a lot of health blogs. My goals are clear skin, less headaches, and less tummy aches. So I am going to buckle down and drink way more water than I do know. Which is only a couple cups a day. I am also going to try less carbs and more veggies, in addition to trying to limit my dairy. (Which I will do after I eat all the yogurt and milk I just bought.) The idea is that I am going to just keep experimenting until my body tells me what is working. It’s a journey and I am actually really excited for. Living on my own means I have the ability to shape what I eat and it can be a great tool to a good life. Just two things that I am doing to help me focus on me and taking care of myself. I am keeping this short because I like to sleep but also because much didn’t happen this week. Just working and school. Have a great week lovelies! 

"I want to be loved."

This post is in response to Elder Ronald A. Rasband, a member of the Quorum of the Seventy, who gave a devotional this morning, Fairness for all. I really liked what he talked about and if you would like to watch it, it can be found on BYUTv’s website.

He spoke about how we need to respect religious freedom for all. And not only that but we need to respect everyone and grant them the fairness they deserve. He spoke about to hypothetical situations where a gay person gets fired for being gay and a Mormon being fired for being Mormon. Both are wrong. We should not be discriminated against for either.  He speaks about how we should stand up and protect each other and not having to accept each other’s views. #FairnessForAll

This is great message. I like it. But I also think we can take it a step further. Fairness seems very distant to me, we can be fair without even knowing who we are protecting. I say we in addition to #FairnessForAll, how about #LoveForAll. Jesus Christ was fair, but I don’t think that is what made him remarkable, but the fact that He loved everyone so much that He did what no one else could do. And yet we are commanded to love one another. And we all know that “golden rule:” treat others the way you wanted to be treated. But we are taught by the Savior himself, to love others as I have loved you. Do you know how He loves us? Perfectly. He loves us in the way we need him to and this is different for every other person. We are to love others not in the way we want to be loved, but in the way they need to be loved.

In Sunday school, before coming back up to BYU we were speaking about how what we say and do can affect others and turn them away from the church. And one of the brethren was speaking about how he had a friend and she ended up being a lesbian. And he was talking to her about her life and she talked about her sons don’t talk to her anymore and she really has not family left. And the brother said, “Well you would think that they would tolerate you more because you are their mother.” And she just looked at him and said “I don’t want to be tolerated, I want to be loved.” And that really resonated with me. Sometimes, we think it is just enough to tolerate, to be fair, to just let it be. But that is not enough. Loving someone, seeing them and knowing them and being able to fully love them as Christ does is what we should be aiming for. Fair is good, but love is better. Let's get rid of the phrase, "We accept all people because we are all sinners." And instead say, "We are all children of our Heavenly Father and I will love you as He does." Maybe that phrase is a little long but hopefuly you get the gist. What better way to bear your testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ then to exercise His love for others in your own life.

These are all just my feelings and thoughts. And not the doctrine of the church. Take it as you will! Till next time!

- M 

Finally a good week.

Those that know me, know that I am pretty tough on myself. And so this always makes new things really hard. I get stressed out and discouraged fairly easy. But this week I was finally feeling good.
Monday there was no school so I think that had a lot to do with it. That extra day makes all the difference. So hopefully I can make this week a good week, even if I do have class and work on Monday. Haha! I can do it! So that day I did tons of homework, cleaning and just prepping for the week. Tuesday I have work in the morning and class till 5. Work started real good. I went to get something out of the drawer and not only did the drawer come out, but it somehow got turned over. Luckily we have big sink so I just through everything in there. I also fell down the stairs in the HFAC that day too. Not a great start to the week, but I decided not to let that get me down. And then the rest of the week was just fine! I have been discouraged lately because I thought I wasn't succeeding in work and in school like I should have. HEY MICHAELLA! IT'S ONLY BEEN THE SECOND WEEK OF SCHOOL. So I just tell myself that. But I killed it during a scene that we did in my beginning acting class. And man, good acting can just change your whole perspective. Another thing that has been a roadblock for me is not being able to be a missionary. Those who know me, don't get crazy. Let me explain what I mean, because I am sure everyone who knows me, knows that I have been saying that I wouldn't go on a mission. This summer I had the opportunity to teach and help he missionaries in my ward. And I loved it. I loved teaching this gospel because I love this gospel. And then I got to Provo. We don't have missionaries in our ward. Everybody already knows about the gospel. So I felt really heartbroken. I had loved being able to teach so I thought about going on a mission. And every time I did it felt weird. I never felt that peace but I felt anxiety and such an unsettling feeling. So I prayed, and I prayed a lot because I felt like I was missing something, that I wasn't doing my part. I get at least 10 emails every Monday from friends serving about all the great things they are doing and I wanted that. And serving a mission isn't a unrighteous decision, so I was very confused. Sitting in Stake Conference, I was listening when a line came to my mind, "You will have the opportunity to serve, just not now." I got my answer. I don't think that was the answer I wanted. But I know that God is aware of me and my desires, but maybe He has something better in mind. And I trust Him. So I will keep doing what I am doing and continue trying my best. This week I did a lot of fun things such as Fall Fest, a Stake Activity at the Provo Rec Center, and to end the week the Lantern Festival. These things just are another witness to me that this is a good place for me right now. I can learn temporal and spiritual things, be surround by great people, and have fun. The Lanterns symbolize good fortune! So here is to making this a great semester, year and life!

If I was six.

If I was six.

I wouldn’t have to pay rent.

I wouldn’t have to worry about buying a car,

I wouldn’t be able to drive anyways.

I wouldn’t be living alone.

I wouldn’t have to take 14 credits.

Or worry about scholarships.

I wouldn’t have boy problems,

Little boys would be afraid of my cooties still.

I wouldn’t know all that I know.

I wouldn’t feel empowered by the trials

That I have been through.

I wouldn’t have the relationships that I cherish.

I wouldn’t have felt the love I’ve loved.

I wouldn’t have a deep testimony of Jesus Christ.

I wouldn’t be the independent women I am today.

I wouldn’t wish to be six. 

Simple, simple poem. I'm a not a gifted writer. But I have things to say. I love thinking about this idea though. We all wish that we could go back to a simpler age where life wasn't too tough or stressful. But at that age we know so little about the world, ourselves, and our divinity. Life would be nice if you were six, but life is worth more when you grow up. Some food for thought. Happy Wednesday! 

-M 

I don't think I was 6, maybe 5. But I was stinking adorable. Enjoy! 

I’m not giving up

One of my goals this summer was to post on my blog twice a week, once on Monday and once on Wednesday. And throughout the summer I failed time and time again. Weeks went by with no post at all but that was then and I am going to continue to try and post twice a week. This being said, Monday’s post will be reserved for a weekly recap and Wednesday will be more of an opinion piece. I was inspired to do this format by all the missionary emails I get every week, I like reading about how they are doing so I figured someone might want to read about mine. And if not it will still be beneficial for me. So let us begin.

                8/31/15-9/6/15

This week was my first week of my second year at Brigham Young University. Here in good ole’ Provo. And what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. Summer was really good to me and moving back and going back to school was pretty overwhelming. This semester I have 6 classes: Exploration of Theatre Teaching, Theatre History. Shakespeare, Acting Fundamentals, New Testament and Intro to Food Science. Those classes all make sense except for the Food Science class, but I needed one credit to keep my scholarship and this one doesn’t have a final and meets once a week. So that is good enough for me. Actually only two of the six have actual finals, so that is exciting. I have a tough load a head of me in addition to the 15 hours of work every week. But I know I can do it. Monday and Tuesday I went to my classes for the first time and I hated everything. I was so tired, I was really angry, I was mad that I had to work so hard and that I had to be on campus for so long every day. But then I reminded myself that it was only the 2^nd day of school and that things would get better. So Wednesday was better, I was happy. And then Thursday I just kind of lost it. Learning Suite was down, so homework couldn’t be done and I was upset. I missed being at home. I missed my friend in Hanford and all over the world. I missed feeling productive and needed. I missed teaching with the missionaries. I was hung up on all the things that I couldn’t have in my life right now. And I just had no will to do anything. I felt really alone.

                I have an amazing support system though. That week I had people text, call, and Facebook message all to see if I was doing well. And I am sure not everyone one of them knew that I needed a friend. I am so grateful for every kind thought that was sent my way. And I am so grateful that God knew exactly where I was in my life and exactly what I needed. So my goal for this next week is to be positive and to try and do my best and that is all anyone can ask for. This week I have read a lot of scriptures and prayed a lot. Because that is where I am able to find peace. So I keep trying. I keep working hard because I know this exactly where I am supposed to be. I get really frustrated when I am sad because I am not supposed to be sad. College is supposed to be great and fun. I am supposed to grow and have a bunch of experiences to tell my children. But right now I am not. And that is frustrating and what is even more frustrating is that I have felt like this last year. I thought I had grown up a lot but apparently I hadn’t which was frustrating as well. So that is where I am at right now. I draw and send out a lot of mail because that relaxes me, I eat a lot of chocolate because that makes me feel better for a moment, and then I pray a lot to feel peace. Right now that isn’t where I want to be, but that is okay. I accept that, that is where I am. And all I can do is proceed forward. And I am excited, excited to see what is in store for the future. But I will take it one day at a time. 

I can't. I'm Mormon.

 This is a phrase that I have heard and said. I can't have coffee. I'm a Mormon. I can't have wine. I'm a Mormon. I can't have cigarettes. I'm a Mormon. I can't have tea. I'm a Mormon. I'm sure you've heard one of these in your lifetime. The real question is why? Tea is supposed to be good for you and wine once in awhile can't be that bad for you.

In 1833, Joseph Smith the first president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) or as it is often referred to as the Mormon church, received a revelation from God. This may sound crazy, an average man communing with God and receiving direction to guide the church. But have you read the bible? That is usually how it is done. This revelation is recorded in the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants. (Doctrine and Covenants being the revelations that were received in the early years of the church. Another book of scripture.) This is what this section says:

" 1 A Word of Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

 2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

 3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.

 4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

 5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

 6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

 7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

 8 And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

 9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

 10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

 11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

 12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

 13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

 14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

 15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

 16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

 17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

 18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

 19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

 20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

 21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen."

In additions to this section from the Doctrine and Covenants (which is often referred to as the Word of Wisdom), it has been added that members should avoid drugs including recreationally using prescription drugs and that hot drinks refer to coffee and tea. I have bolded some of the parts I want to talk about. The above is LDS doctrine and is taught in church but what I am going to say is often reflections on the doctrine, not actual teachings of the church. 

Because of the Word of Wisdom many people have asked me if I can drink soda or eat hot dogs and other weird stuff like that. We don't drink coffee or tea (herbal tea has been declared okay). We don't use tobacco products or other drugs. And we abstain from alcohol, even one glass, even after you are 21. 

Does this mean that if one drinks coffee they are going to hell? Is Starbucks a creation of the devil? 

No this is not what this means. 

Mormons believe in free agency. Which means that we believe that we have the right to choose what we want. It isn't that Mormons can't, it is because we choose to avoid some substances, in order to be able to make other choices.

Let's think about this. 

Alcohol has a certain effect on our brains. If you've been to a party, watched TV, or read a newspaper you know what I am talking about. Alcohol often clouds our better judgement and I am sure there are plenty hook-ups, bad ideas, and car accidents to back me up on this. Just a while ago a man who was drunk died because he thought it was a good idea to light fireworks off his head. And maybe we don't all get hammered to the point where this happens. But one drink can alter your thinking and mood. Alcohol goes straight to the stomach but doesn't need to be digested but is absorbed into the blood stream and as the night goes on them more and more is absorbed affecting every part of your body. Because now it is in your blood, which is everywhere and in everything. Mormons stay away from alcohol because of the idea of not being altered by a substance. 

Coffee and tea. For a long time, I didn't understand this one. I saw almost all my friends drink coffee daily and nothing was wrong with them. But then I heard this statement repeatedly, "I can't function unless I have coffee,""I can't think without my coffee," and so on and so forth. People get addicted to coffee and we see it every day. Mormons avoid coffee in order not to need that morning crutch. 

Drugs is a mixture of both. Drugs alter your thinking and are addicting. So it makes sense that we avoid these things. 

We avoid things that alter our minds in order to make sure that we are doing what we are supposed to. We avoid things that are addicting so we don't have to rely on a substance. (Mormons believe that when we die we take our addictions with us, but there are so substances. That sounds like hell to me. Fire and brimstone might even be the better option.) 

And because of these guidelines we get people who try and say that we should avoid soda because it had caffeine like coffee or that we can have decaf coffee because that takes the bad part out. 

Here is the thing. We believe we are accountable to a higher being who has asked us to do these things and so we do them. We are promised good health if we do these things. Does this mean you will never see a sick Mormon? I have sure seen my share of Mormons in the hospital. But the Lord had a plan for them and maybe it isn't a good enough reason for you, but it is for me. 

Don't try and create loopholes and get around it. We should live the law and not become those Israelites who became so wrapped up in the Law of Moses and missed the idea altogether. 

To go on a mission, you have to obey the Word of Wisdom. To go to the temple, you have to obey the Word of Wisdom. To get to live with our Heavenly Father again, we have to obey the Word of Wisdom. 

Mormons don't stick our noses up at this stuff because we think that the actual product is condemning. But that we have been asked not to partake in order to keep ourselves safe. Because to me a cup of coffee isn't worth it.

There are often parts of the Word of Wisdom that don't get a lot of attention. Like the parts about eating sparingly. But here is the deal the Word of Wisdom is there to keep us healthy in order to better serve our fellow men. In addition, to the Word of Wisdom we are to take care of ourselves. If you are lactose-intolerant, don't drink milk; if you are addicted to caffeine, stop drinking it. We take care of ourselves so we can focus on being better people than focusing on our health.