Let us begin.
1. Don't be afraid to share. - First, off this really doesn't have to do with the sharing of items or space but of one's self. Don't be afraid to express who you are, share stories, share ideas. One of the greatest qualities you can have is being AN EASY TALKER. You don;t have to share your theory on why we were put on this Earth, but for the love, please talk about something more interesting than the weather or the color of your toothbrush. Don't be afraid to share little pieces of you because that is exactly how we begin to fall in love. (Mushy, I know. But nonetheless I think it's true.) Most people think this is really hard, But it's basic interaction. Stop thinking so much about what they are going to think and begin thinking about what they are saying and what that makes you think of or how it makes you feel. Do this and you are always off to a great start,
2. Don't be afraid of silence - Yes, you and your date should be talking. But, silence isn't bad. Silence doesn't automatically mean something bad, Silence can happen for a lot of reasons, they may just be thinking about something. The greatest line you can use is, "what are you thinking about?" Because at that moment they are either a.) going to actually say what they are thinking b.) come up with something to say to distract from whatever they were actually thinking. In both options your date is going to begin to speak about something that they are interested in or something on their mind. Which can be really exciting because you are going to learn something new and have the ability to become a confidant. But don't fear the silence. It doesn't mean the date is bad. It is just a human response to life.
3. Don't talk about the date, while on the date - This is a big thing. Stop talking about the date while you are still on the date. Nothing bugs me more when guys say stuff like, "wow this date is really bad," "I hope this isn't your worst date," "I bet this date is the best one you've been on." Do you know how weird that sounds? Newsflash. The date isn't over yet. What do you expect your date to say? This is a huge turnoff for me. Dates are an experience and experiences have to be unpackaged and thought about. Which tends to be afterward. And often isn't directly discussed with the date. You'll probably never know exactly what your date thinks unless they tell you, after they have thought about it on their own. So stop bringing the date, you're currently on, up as if it is a subject you guys can discuss. It's not.
4. Keep the dates short - First dates should never be longer than 3 hours. I bet you are thinking three hours? That seems like a long time. And yet, I've been on a first date that, I kid you not, was 9 hours. OH MY HECK. I didn't even know the guy and I spent more than I had with anyone that whole month. I know you want to do something fun. But it is just a first date, you don't have to cram everything into one night. Please, if you respect your date. Don't make them hang around with you all day and all night. Have you ever had a sleepover where you party all night and then the next morning you have that one friend that won't leave. You want to nap, shower and maybe relax a little. But that friend is always there and then you begin to slightly hate them. And it grows and grows and grows. I digress. You don't want your first date to make that girl/guy you've been pining over feel sick of you. Leave your date wanting more. The last thing you want is from them to be praying to be put out of their misery. Also a note for girls, it's okay to ask to be taken home. If you are out and about it's okay to suggest that the date end. Just don't be rude.
5. It's not awkward until you say the word awkward - The last word that should ever be said on a first date is the "a-word." Sure. I understand first dates can be A-W-K-W-A-R-D. BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY IT. It would be like saying, "Hey look at that huge elephant in the room. Let's address it and make everyone uncomfortable." It is only awkward if you point it out. Move past it. Don't make everyone aware of it.
6. Keep experimentation to a minimum - This has to do with how you look. I have made this mistake several times. I will try something new right before I go on a date. Winged eyeliner, middle part, wearing substantial amounts of black. None of these things are my norm. Which is exactly why I would think it was a good idea to try right before a date. Because it's new and it's fun. Most of the times it ends up looking bad, I end up feeling self-conscious, and it greatly affects how I feel on the date. Keep it simple. Keep it you. Experiment with your look, just not right before a date.
7. Make sure the details are ironed out - This is such a big deal. I have a friend and she went on a date with this guy, who was supposed to take her hiking. She was so excited. He ended up losing his license, asking her to pick him up, had no idea where the hike was found. Eventually, they got to the national park where the trail head was he didn't have cash to pay the entering fee and neither did she. They ended up turning back and ending the date with one taking a single step on the trail. How sad. You can't plan for everything on a date but please don't just wing it. Because then we end up getting together only to deal with problems we could have avoided.
8. Watch the smells - I know you are expecting me to to tell you to make sure you put on deodarant and brush your teeth. But that isn't the point here. (Although you should be doing those things.) Be carefull with perfume and cologne. One time I was hanging out with a group of friends and I gave this guy a hug. His cologne gave me a rash on my neck. It looked like a big ole' hickey. Really embarrasing. Not everyone has super senstive skin like me but be considerate. Rashes, headaches and sneezing can all come from the strong chemcials that make up colonge and perfume.
9. No lip-locking - Don't kiss on the first date. I get it emotions are high and so are hormones. If you kiss on the first date, not matter how awful this sounds, kisses will be expected in the future. Once you lean in, it's hard to go back. There will always be that thought of "Are we supposed to kiss every date?" "Do I kiss hello?" "Good-bye?" First dates don't earn kisses. Think a little about it before you go in. Yeah I am aware of what I just said. Thinking and kissing, difficult? Sure. But pull yourself together, you're not a barbarian.
10. Leave it all on the stage - This phrase comes from the theatre world. After an audition. they tell you to just do your best and then walk out of the room. One you leave the room, don't think about the audition. You'll torture yourself with the endless possibilities. The same can be directly applied to dating. Once the date is over stop thinking about it. Something comes of it, cool. If it doesn't, cool. But don't think about it until you get there.
Well, there you have it. You're basically on your way to marriage. Okay, that's a little fast. But dating should be fun. Stop making it hard and scary. Get out there and experience. The best advice I can give you is just to stop pressuring yourself and to just go and feel it out. You can do this because now you are a first date guru. If you think I missed a rule or if you disagree with my advice I would love to hear your thoughts. I would also love to hear any success stories or awful dates stories. Well, until next time!
- M
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