Yeah. When he said that I got a little emotional because I thoroughly remember that day. Clearly.
We had auditions for Hairspray. We had talked it up all year and auditions finally came around. We all knew what part we wanted and yet there were 100+ people that auditioned. I knew I didn't do so well on my audition and yet there was still hope. But then I didn't get a callback. And so I was upset. But callbacks don't mean that you didn't get cast, they just want to see you again. And so there was still hope. I really wanted to be Amber with all my heart and soul. So I knew exactly when the cast list went up, but I also didn't want anyone to be there when I looked because I was scared. So I asked my Dad to drive me over to the school where the cast list was posted. And I told him to wait in the car. And I walked up to the list to see that my name wasn't next to Amber's name. It wasn't next to any character's name. It was under the white girl ensemble, not even the ones with the names. I couldn't stop the tears because finally the hope was gone, there was nothing left to do. And I was heartbroken. And so I walked to my car and got in, ignoring the questions that my Dad asked me. And that was that.
But this post isn't a sappy story about how I never received my chance to play Amber.
But I am writing this post with the perspective of being let down more than a couple times.
There are more than 101 and reasons why you didn't get the part. And most of them are really dumb. You could have been too short, too preppy looking, someone had a better character voice etc etc etc. And most of these reasons have nothing to do with how talented you are. We never will know what the director thinks unless they tell us but never forget that it was never that you weren't good enough, it was that something just wasn't right. I will never be cast for a tall girl, black girl, butch girl because I can't be those girls. Auditions show a director so little about an actor and yet we usually base our whole self-confidence upon that small minute that we have expressed and decided that if we don't get this part we aren't good at what we do. And that is crap. YOU ARE AWESOME. And auditions are just part of the process, we win some and we lose some. And we can't stop trying because we feel bad about ourselves. If you want to improve, if you want to know how to audition better ask your director for notes. Ask them how you could audition better. And when you are given a part, DO YOUR FREAKIN BEST. It is my BIGGEST PET PEEVE when people try out for something and the don't care. I am not saying that you can't be disappointed but you are a part of a team and that is how you help them, you play your part. Not only do you play your part but you do it at a 110%. In Hairspray I was very upset because people that got cast didn't care, they didn't try. We had so many people drop out after they had been cast and it made me mad because other students could've had their parts in the first place. But we had a lot of students raise the bar and the production was awesome. I got to play Tammi, one of the girls on the Corny Collins show and I rocked it out. By the end of the production, I could smile a big stupid cheesy grin for hours and as our choir director said I sparkled because I worked really hard. Never stop trying just because you didn't get the part you wanted. Give it your all because it is the part you got. And the best shows are the ones where the whole cast is giving it all and leaving it on the stage. I may not have been the Amber I wanted to be, but I was a great Tammi.
Have you felt these feelings? Got a story to share? Comment below!
- M
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