I like to pretend that my blog is for others to read but really its for me. When I'm upset and unheard I usually go to my blog because no one can interject and I mean people can comment, but no one ever does. This is my safe place found on a random url in the middle of the internet. I resort here in times of trial whether my words are posted or not it doesn't matter, but they were written down.
Today was hard. I was expecting today to be a fun filled, lighthearted, relaxing day. Instead, I find myself secluded crying on a Friday night. And I'm not just saying this to get a pitiful response but because I want to say it.
Feelings were meant to be felt. This includes the happiness and sorrow. We live in a society where we are taught to choke back emotions, to be strong and to not let anyone see you cry. Why is this? Why do we pretend to be okay when we aren't? Who thought this would be okay?
We, as humans, all feel the same things. We are all hurt, melancholy, mad, excited, mellow and much more. But instead we are taught to be composed until eventually it's all too much and we eventually explode.
I want to tell you that I am not ok. I had a very bad day. To some it may have seemed minor and conquerable but to me it was a struggle. I have a group project in my theatre class and we are previewing our ten-minute play on Monday and an actor didn't show up, my TA still a hasn't responded to my emails about my final essay, I've been yelled at for minor things, laughed at for making a mistake, and then I have been scorned at for not being cheerful. And I don't to be cheerful, I want to just sulk for a little bit. Is that a crime? Did I deserve all these things that may have pushed me over the breaking point? Who knows, all I know is that it is okay to feel and it is okay to feel bad. Bad days are inevitable. We should all know this. We should accept this as a lifelong truth.
This being said when we see someone having a bad day there is no perfect way to deal with it. They may want someone there and they may not, but they will let you know. Next time you see someone break down don't mock them because you assume that they are weak because you've been there. We all know what it's like to be down there. Maybe if we stop pretending that we are always okay all the time maybe we could find a way to have less bad days.
Till next time,
Michaella Scholz
