NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

BOW BOW BOW. I hope you read that in the voice from that Phineas and Ferb vine. (Not that I could find this said vine. But whatever, still kinda salty.) None the less, IT'S ALMOST 2k16. So this means we are all going to start thinking of things we want to change in our lives. And we are going to start really strong and fizzle out into our own bad habits.

BUT, I say let's not do this.

I say we actually make goals. Not resolutions.

Are these things the same? Well, perhaps.

Goals, I believe are different.

At work I am a crew supervisor, (I know. Go me.) and so every three weeks I have a One-On-One meeting with the owner and he has me set three goals. The goals can be anything. He says that they can be work related or self improvement. He says that if we imporve ourselves then that overall will imporve the store. And these goals work. Some of mone have been driking more water, keeping the store cleaner etc. But they work because every three weeks I get asked about them and I evealute myself. I hold myself accountable for these goals.

SO CHALLENGE.
Write some goals. Give yourself some dates to check in with yourself. Set time to reevaluate yourself and how you are with yout goals.

Don't worry I am going to do it too.

I have some goals.

1. I want to read Preach My Gospel and Jesus the Christ this year. I want to finish reading Preach My Gospel by the end of June and then Jesus the Christ by the end of December.

2.  I would like to learn how to save money better. I want to begin the 52 week money saving challenge starting next week. And I might start putting money away as if I was paying car insurance to make a down payment on the insurance when I finally decide to buy one.

3. I would also like to eat better. Which means some extra planning. Spending and planning meals. I have some real cute printables that is going to help me so this.

4. I would also like to stress less. But that is kinda a unattainable goal. So I am going to rephrase this to saying. I would like to handle stress better. I would really like to attend BYU's Cousneling and Physcological Service (CAPS) stress support group. Talking is hard for me but if I get out of my head I am usually able to relax. Stess group and some phsycail excersize is my plan to help me relax.

5. I need to be social. And I am not quite sure how I am going to do this, but I moved into a a really social place so I mean that's a great start.

6. I also want to serve more. In my New Testament class we speant a lot of time talking about how those who turn outwards will learn more about themselves and will be happier people. I whole-heartedly believe that. So I want to serve some more. I joined a group called Dosomething.orh which sends you little projects you can be involved with on the internet and then I started looking at programs that I can get involved with through BYU and their Y-Serve program.

6 goals is kinda a weird place to stop. But if you think about it I can take each month and focus on one goal twice. I think it'll be a good system.

I still have time to set up solid dates and plans but I think I am off to a great start.

If you really want to make a cahnge this year, do it. Write it out, make it a plan. Tell the whole world you are going to do it so you have some extrinisic motivation for when you just don't really want to follow through.

Years fly by. And you don't know when your last New Year's party is. Time is the most predicatble and yet mind boggling things that we deal with. If you want to make a change, do it today. Make some goals and follow up with someone.

You got this.
Till next time,
- M

Ringin' in 2k16

Christmas is over and coming up is New Year's. I have been home for about a week and I have a little under a week left. I love being home. I love it so much, everything is so much easier.

I am so scared for this new year. I am moving the day I fly home. Moving out to a new place with new girls. I am so nervous. What if they don't like me? What if I have a nervous breakdown and no one is there to help me? Well I guess if they don't like me then I have other firends and can make other freinds. And if I have a break down there are always people I can call. I have amazing supporters and they keep me going.

I have awesome friends. This Christmas I was showered with lots of gifts and kind thougts and I feel bad because I didn't give them any gifts. But they aren't my friends because I give them stuff, they do it because they love me and I am so grateful to have them in my life.

So I am ready.

Bring it on 2016.

I've got my people and we are ready.

I want to write other things but I have lots of feelings that I am trying to sift through so I am going to leave it at this short little post. And I aplogize that I didn't write last wednesday, I was busy making cookies to give to other families. Till next time,
- M

Hanford Holidays 2k15 12/14 - 12/20

Guess who is home?! This girl! And it feels great to be home! To be honest. I was kinda worried about being home, last Christmas being home made me extremely anxious and I begged my mom not to send me back to school. And nothing like that has happened yet and I feel really good about going back. So I am praying for comfort and such so stay tuned!

Before I came home I had finals. I actually love finals week. But man that week kicked my butt. I had finals all day Monday. I took my New Testament final, my Theatre History final, and then did my Shakespeare final which was a performance. And then after that I went to my ward Christmas party and then went and saw The Intern at the dollar theatre. So that was a fun night. AND THE INTERN WAS AMAZING. It was cute, touching and fetching hilarious. Tuesday I went to work and then the temple. Wednesday I worked allllllll day and then I had a date, which was all dandy. Thursday was awesome, had my final performance for my acting class and then I hang out with my friend David and kicked his butt in Settlers of Catan. Friday I worked, packed, and cleaned till I was finally on a plane and arrived in Hanford at like 3 in the morning. So now I am here.

I'm actually really excited to be home. It feels like everyone in Provo is getting married or has a boyfriend and I am quite far from that haha. And of course you are reading this and saying "Oh Michaella not everone has a significant other, you're fine" blah blah blah. But here is the thing, no one talks about or celebrates thier singleness. So it's good to be home where more singles are.

I love the Christmas season. Actually I really just love learing about Jesus Christ. Today I went to church and they were doing the Christmas program. And before church started of course I am talkign and saying hi to everyone adn then one lady she's like go sit with the choir! They need more voices. In my head I am thinking, 'uh no. I will mess it all up.' but, of course I sat up there and sang with the choir. I felt like some people were like, "uh what, is this girl doing?" but I was really just grateful to be up there. I haven't sung in a choir for two weeks and it felt amazing. I love Jesus and I would walk into any choir and sing about him.

Wow. I thought this was going to be longer. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings. But after cleanign the kitchen adn writign a million bajillion emails I lost a lot of those thoughts. But I am glad to be home!
Till next time,
- M

10 of the best qualities a friend could have.

Friends. In my 19 years of life, I've had quite my share of friends. Not all of them have been healthy relationships, but they often lead me to meet other really great people. And so today I want to take some time to celebrate some of these great people that have been in my life.

1. A personal therapist - Everyone should have a friend that can calm them down when they are on the brink of hysteria. I have a best friend, Hayley, and she is this person for me. When I break down and I begin to fall into a panic attack. After trying to breathe on my own  and failing miserably, I can always shoot her a text. Without fail, she can always get me back to a point where I can finally breathe and stop panicking. I don't know how she does this, but she is my wonderful person who can ground me. Everyone should have someone like that. Thank you Hayley!

2. Always down to hang - I have two very best friends, Logan and Megan, who are always down to party. They are the best. They are always down to hang out and if you give them a time, place, and an activity they will be there. It is refreshing to have friends who will actually hang out with you. And it also comes in handy when you just really can't be in the house anymore. Thank you Logan and Megan!

3. Unconditional love - My friend Kayla is a great example of this. She loves my regardless of how long it's been since we talked, what's going on or what the weather's like. And it's wonderful and I'm so lucky to have her. To have a friend that will love you no matter what hits the fan is a liberating and comforting fact. Thank you Kayla!

4. A giver - We moved to this great house when I was in high school and right across the street was a lovely girl named Aubrey and we quickly became friends. Aubrey is one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met. There have been many days where she has texted me to come outside and handed me cookies, a boyou Aubrey!
ok or something sh

e painted for me. She truly thinks about me and shows it. It makes me feel loved and thought about. Thank

5. One who says it how it is - My girl Marissa, who I miss very very much, is the best. She cuts the bull and she is just who she is which is one of the best qualities in a friend. If she has a problem she'll let you know, if you are doing something destructive she will let you know because she loves you. One of the best people I met in high school and we aare still great friends today. Thank you Marissa!

6. Sincere caring - Hannah is one who just amazes me with how much she soncerly cares about people. I can go to her and she will listen, give e advice and just love me through it. She will call me to see what's up because she just loves to love people. Thank you Hannah!

7. A cuddle buddy - Ah. I love hugs and I also love just being held. My sister Macie and my good friend Brooks are the best at this. Not that either of them are here right now, but this is one of the many reasons why I miss them both. Brooks used to let me sleep on his shoulder whenever we watched movies or anything. Macie is just always there. It makes me feel safe and warm. Thanks Macie and Brooks!!

8. A good listener - This is one of the quaities that I thoroughly appreciate because it's hard for me to actually say what I am feeling. So it's important that when I say something it's being heard. I met one of the best listeners this semester. Rachel is awesome and she listens to all the stupid crap that I say and just lets me say it. Which makes me feel like what I say although may not be smart or funny, but is at least worth saying. Thanks Rachel!

9. Low maintenance - These are the best kinds of friends. The ones where they can walk into your house sit down on your couch and just be there with you. You don't have the stress of entertaining them because you are just glad to be there with you. Kayla and Louise are the greatest when it comes to this. I spent so many nights this summer just being with them and it was awesome. Thanks Kayla and Louise!!



10. Discusses movies, books, politics, brownies, the spring musical etc. - Jenni is the special snowflake in this category. She is wonderful for a conversation about whatever and you can really talk about it. It's always a great thing to have an actual conversation that is interesting and it makes me feel like we are actually friends who actually have a relationship that isn't based on one activity or one part of my life. But we are friends because we actually want to be friends. Thanks Jenni!

Obviously, there aren';t the only friends that I have and love but I wanted to point some qualities that I enjoy that a few of them poses. Friends have often been the reason I have ket going and stayed sane. So always remember to be a good friend.

Site Under construction 12/7 - 12/13

My mind hurts. By brain stopped working in prep for finals. So its currently under construction. I'll be better by the end of this week. And I'll be in Hanford late Friday night.

Some feelings about Christmas Cheer.

November 1st. This is that day that many people begin playing Christmas music. Christmas radio stations start cropping up. And I avoid them like the plague.
The day after Thanksgiving. The day where even more people decide it is now an appropriate time to constantly  listen to Christmas music. And I tend to avoid these people.
December 1st. Most of the population is now listening to Christmas music in a constant stream. I'm just now if at all starting to listen.
Christmas music is often the cause of my many headaches. The Christmas season can be all too stressful. But how come?

I mean I am just trying to get through the last 2 weeks of the semester.
And all of the sudden I feel the sudden need to buy presents to show my appreciation for the people that I love. Which wouldn't be a big issue if I had more than 13.24 in my bank account. I feel that I need to have fun, do nice things, play in the snow, and be festive. The need to buy and  put up a Christmas tree, stockings, and garland. To watch Rudolph and Frosty. Give change and deliver cookies. How could any of this be stressful?

Most of us love the Christmas season because everyone seems a little bit kinder. That Christmas cheer makes the person that just cut you off not so aggravating. The kid screaming in the grocery store a lot cuter with his little Santa hat. And that creepy guy at work just a little less creepy. The Christmas spirit does this and more.

I'm not sure why.

One might say the spirit of Jesus Christ. We begin to have our hearts warmed and are led to be more giving, understanding and overall just kinder. The thought of the Savior of the world being laid in the manger leads us to be better versions of ourselves. Because that after all, its the reason for the season. We are celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. But this isn't the only holiday surrounding Jesus Christ. Easter celebrates Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice and yet the feelings aren't the same. The joy and kindness that surrounds the month of December are not reoccurring around April. But in both instances we are celebrating Jesus Christ. There are people who celebrate Jesus every single day and yet Christmas still has this  has this affect on them. Could the Christmas Spirit come from this celebration of the Savior? .

Christmas has become a more and more secular holiday. It celebrates Santa, Rudolph and a sense of magic that seems to waft from the North Pole. Families can celebrate Christmas without even mentioning Jesus once and yet somehow they are still motivated to be a kinder, softer, version of themselves. Maybe it is because of the threat of being on the naughty list. Without the mention of a religious figure, Christmas straightens the moral compass of many, even if just for the season.

Many would agree that this is the reason that they enjoy the season. Everything and everyone  is just a little warmer, kinder and there seems to be an endless supply of magic in the air. I mean, what other holiday could grow a Grinch's heart two times it's normal size?

I don't understand it. How could one day a year, December 25th, generate such a change of character in a population? Most would agree regardless of how, it is a great thing.

For a season we show that we are all capable of being a better person. December 26th, the tree is put away, stockings are folded and stuffed into a box, wrapping paper is recycled and we stick our happy kind selves away until the next Christmas season.

They should've made a second Grinch movie, The Grinch summers in Whoville, after Christmas was over did his heart shrink? Without the Christmas spirit did his heart become small again? Is the only way he could be kind to the Whos is by being surrounded by Christmas lights and carols? Because I see it every year. We are all warm and fuzzy and as if overnight we revert to our own ways. And we give ther bird to the guy that cut us off. Complain about the screaming child. And the creepy guy is just as creepy again.

I'll own up to it. I don't understand this Christmas Spirit Affect, that I also get caught up in. I think it is sad that we can be nice for really just a day someone decided to make up. To show that we are capable of being better human beings but only if there is a Christmas album playing in the background.

If only the world was like Christmas all the time. If we were all thoughtful and more giving regardless of how many days are left till Santa comes. Because in the end, he never actually comes down a chimney.

This post is quite cynical? No? But is it true? Or not? Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas but I also don't buy into it as the greatest day of the year nor the greatest holiday. But these are just my thoughts. Feel free to comment!
Till next time!
- M

Fight for the Happy Ending 12/30 - 1/6

I create weird ways in which the way life is supposed to work. Not truly thinking about it, I've always had this idea that a boy should always fight for you. The idea that in the face of adversity they would still pursue you or else they just didn't care enough about you. I don't know where this screwed up way of thinking came from, maybe from the numerous chick flick marathons that I have participated in. But nonetheless, it's kind of a dumb way to think. However, let's drop the guy for a moment. How about the idea that in the face of adversity we still fight for ourselves, we pursue our needs, wants, and fight for our happy ending. This a much better way to think, well just in my perspective.

This week was an emotional rollercoaster. I called my mom a lot this week.
I had this big plan. To move into an apartment complex with one of my friends, that is already living there. She had an open bed and sign-ups were on Tuesday. So we were ready and excited. And it didn't happen. I was so frustrated. Because I had felt like this was what was supposed to happen, that I had felt prompted and led to do this. And I was mad. I was heart-broken. But more importantly, I was lost. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. There is a swing set outside our house. So in the snow, I just sat there and cried. I cried and cried while dragging my feet in the snow. I left a very sad voicemail for my mom and eventually the crying stopped. And I just sat and left the snow alone. I made a choice. I could sit here and be mad. Or I could get up and try to do something about it. I came inside, still a little mopey and I started looking around and make some calls. And by Friday, I signed a contract.

I found a place that was affordable and supposedly really fun to live.

Most people I talk to understand. Others don't. In the end, it's not their choice. It's mine. And it's hard for me to explain why I did it. But I felt it before I did it. I am excited for what is in store for me.

Also, I got accepted into the Theatre Education program at BYU. A huge weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I am nervous and excited to start taking classes and pursuing my dream. I am excited for auditioning next semester and doing what I love.

I also initiated 2 dates this week. I didn't want to stay home on the weekend. So I didn't. Go me.

Life can be hard. Trust me. I know this to be true with every part of me. But that isn't the end-be-all. We have to get up. Get off the swings in the snow and get to work, because no one is going to fight for you, if you don't fight yourself. Be the strong person you know yourself to be. Because you can do this.
Till next time,
- M

Q&A with Mitch. 9 questions for girls from boys.

If you haven't noticed every time I do a Q&A I use a different nickname of mine. This time, it's Mitch, which is the nickname my Catan Clan back home adorned me with. (Catan, as in Settlers of Catan. As in my favorite board game of all time. It's more than just a game.) But for this Q&A I went on the hunt for questions that boys want girls to answer. And obviously I am only one girl, but I've been on for quite a while so I think I know what I am talking about. But just to make sure I questioned a couple of good friends and asked what they had to say. A big thanks to Hayley, Madison, Sophia, Kayla, Chrissy, Amand, Brianna and Aubrey. So let's get started.

1. Why do girls have so many shoes?
Amanda says, "A shoe is a nice way to live a glamorous life!" and I totally agree. There is no logical reason why we have lots of shoes. I think that I don't have a lot of shoes, but then I remember the two baskets of shoes sitting in my closet. Girls like shoes and I think because there are so many different types. We can take our pick from sandals, flats, heels, boots, tennis shoes and then each of these categories can be broken down even further into sub-categories. We have to be prepared for any occasion and any outfit. And have you ever heard of retail therapy? Having cute shoes can just turn your day around. Shoes can also be a social thing. Madison became really good friends with a guy who complimented her shoes which led to them having a good conversation.
But simply put by Hayley,
A. There is no such thing as too many shoes
2. Shoes make us happy
D. I just like shoes okay?!?!

2. Why do girls read more than boys?
I thought this was an extremely interesting question. I did some research and it's true across the board girls often read more than boys. And by this I mean reading for fun. I don't have "the" answer nor do I think that there is one answer. But girls like to feel emotions and reading can be cathartic. We can step out of the anxious, sad, lonely body that we are in and walk in the body of another character. Reading is good for the soul. My favorite response was from Amanda, "I don't think I know a girl who hasn't curiously picked up a Nicholas Sparks book for the heck of it." It's true, we love to read. But I don't know why boys don't as much.


3. Why are girl's so confusing?
Haha. This question made me laugh. Because it is true, girls are confusing. And it's not even because we try to play games. It's often because we are confused ourselves. Have you ever tried to explain something while you're confused? It makes everything worse.

4. Why do girls ask guys to be honest but then get angry with the answer?
This one had two very popular answers. One being the idea that we already know the truth and we just want you to say it. Often in these scenarios the truth isn't pretty. Second, idea is that we either expected or wished for a different idea. The idea that we don't want the truth, we want the answer we want to hear. This makes it even worse because the two ideas contradict each other. We either a. know the truth b. we know what we want to be the truth. But we don't believe that this si just a girl thing. We all have expectations and when they don;t get met or they get broken, it's upsetting. Or as Sophia puts it, "Because guys are stupid and give stupid responses so we get mad at their stupidity." There really is no easy way to go about this. Honesty is the best policy though, right? Well as long as she's being honest with you about what she wants the answer to be. Maybe? We gave you some answers to why, but I've got nothing for you on the how side of things.


5. Why don't girls ever give nice guys a chance at a relationship?
Chrissy helps break this down saying, "Girls DO want nice guys!! The idea of a "nice guy" is so often misconstructed because they really are hard to find and often too narrowly defined. How many guys do you know who you can say are genuinely nice?" I think that nice is such a broad word to describe someone. And this can lead to many differnt ideas of what a nice guy is. As a boy you could believe that you are a nice guy but she may have heard something you said or did that is not "nice." Happens to me all the time. A guy can say something, like about politics, other girls, or a bad joke, and I won't think of them the same way anymore. Here is the thing, there is so much to a relationship than being "nice". Be a guy that can be desribed as kind, funny, confident, loving, etc. The other side of the story is the bad boy. Why do girls go for the bad boy? Most of the girls agreed that it has to do with his confidence. Hayley puts it, "Bad boys" are usually more foreward, more confident. We respond better to that because we are scared to make the forst move. But we all want someone whose nice. Kind. Warm." The bad boy is intriguing, edgy, and so when we are looking for a little fun, adventure, or are just tired of serious realtionships falling through with "nice guys" we find a bad boy. However, Amanda brought up a great point, "For some girls, it takes time to realize what's best for them... and others don't even realize they are dating a bad boy until things get out of hand."

6. Why are women not straight forward/want guys to read their minds?
Aubrey answer blew me away because of just how accurate it it. She stated, "Women want to be understood at a deep level, you wouldn't have to tell your best friend when you're mad, they would already know because you have a strong bond. That's what girls expect in a relationship and from their boyfriends." I really agree with what she had to say. Other things that were discussed was the idea that we've worked out so many scenarios in our heads that we would have to spend so much time explaining and figruing out how much you know that we just need you to figure it out. The idea that we don't necessarily know what we want, we're too afraid of the outcome, or we aren't ready to talk about it. Madison says, "I don't expect guys to read my mind, but if I look distressed I'd hope they would be able to tell! Not necessasrily mind reading just a little bit of body language reading."


7. Do periods really hurt or are they just an excuse for sympathy/to be a jerk?
I think this is something that boys truly will never understand. It is a feeling that you'll never experience until you have all the parts. But we can at least try and explain for your sake. Let my good friend Aubrey explain it for you, "Have you ever had blood seeping through your innards uncontrollably with your lining being ripped from the walls that were supposed to carry a child but aren't currently do they leave. Does that sound pleasent.?" They really hurt and yet we are expected to function and carry out normal tasks. You probably won't even know unless we get abnormally sassy or hormonal and blame it on Mother Nature. Some periods are better than others. But don't forget, there are two sides to the mestration cycle (well there are more but for this purpose we will stick with the two). The actual period and then just general PMS. Think of PMS as drunk people, you've got your sad drunk, your hyper-overactive happy drunk, your angry drunk etc girls take their periods and alchohol differntly. We aren't exaclty the same. Some girls aren't in a lot of pain and emotional others are just perfectly fine. But overall as Sophia says, "Periods are temporary death." Informed by one of the girls I questioned, there is even a diagnosis for painful cramps. Dysmenorrhea. Just the sound of it makes me cringe. Periods hurt and most of us would do anything to make the pain stop. Heating pads, hot showers, Midol, etc. So the truth is periods are painful, but sometimes we use it as an excuse. But Hayley speaks for the crowd of us when she says, "I'd be lying if I said I never used a period as an excuse not to do something or eat an extra cupcake." But Chrissy again reminds us that, "Sometimes, it is really a valid excuse But I guess you don't know that unless you are that women." Overall, periods hurt but then again it is an excuse that is always there. You'll never know.

8. Why do we have to put the toilet seat down? Why can't you leave it up for a change?
Imagine this, you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. You're already upset because you are awake. You stumble to the bathroom and go to sit down and you fall in the toilet. No your awake and your bare butt just fell into the toilet bowl. You might laugh but I saw an espisode of Untold Stories of the ER where a woman got stuck in the toliet. The ambulenace had to come unscrew the toliet adn take her to the hosipatal. And why would we leave it up, we sit no matter what. And I mean, one girl confessed about just leaving it up and squatting. But then again who really wants to have to use unnessasry muscles when going to the bathroom. Chrissy puts her foot down here, "America was established as a free country in the year 1776. Women had to wait until the year 1920 for the 19th amendment to be ratified, granting us the right to vote. After waiting all that time and still fighting for gender equality today, the least men can do is put the seat down when they are done." There you have it.

9. Why is it girls insist on pretending to not like a guy when the really do?
This one was the same across the board, for every girl I talked to. We are afraid of being vunerable. As Chrissy puts, "It's not so much that we pretend to not like a guy as much as it is we try to fool ourselves before we catch the feels." We are putting a safe guard from being rejected.
VUNERABILITY IS SCARY. We want to make sure we really want to do this. Make sure we aren't going to get hurt right off the bat and to make sure your the guy we think you are. Knowing you are sharing yourself is "scary and magical" as simply put by Hayley. We care what you think. We are just making sure we are all on the same page before we make the first move.

There you have it. Thank you again so much to the girls who took the time to answer these questions. They are wonderful ladies and I hope they helped you understand the female race a little better. And thank you to the boys who let me ask them for questions. If you have any thoughts on what was said or more questions, comment below!
As for our giveaway winner, Rena you are the winner! Email me so that we an get your prize to you!
Till next time!
- M

Gobble Gobble 11/23 - 11/29

This past week was Thanksgiving which means that my family came up to good ole' Provo and we had Thanksgiving with some good friends of ours. It was a really good time. The reserved a church building (one of the many churches here) so it felt really different but a good different. And they had crafts for all the little kids, but you know I made a hand turkey and a thankful tree. It is times like these that I feel truly blessed to be where I am with the amazing support that I have. I am truly blessed to have such a funny family and overall a funny life. My brother Miles is basically a comedian. Some of my favorite quotes from this week from him are, "When I get Youtube famous, I am going to have a channel about pick up lines." "Miles clean up your mouth." "Why should I?" I had bought Miles this $1 sticker book versus the $17 dinosaur book that he wanted and then he goes and tells my Mom, "It's not much of a book, but it's fine." That kid cracks me up in addition to dancing on my last nerve and my heart strings all at the same time. We didn't do much when they were here. We didn't go hiking, ice skating or anything. But I don't feel like we missed out. We ate, watched movies, played games and just told a lot of stories. And it was wonderful. It makes me excited to have a family of my own. And from my dad's chanting of "grandbabies" I can tell that he is excited to. But that chapter of my life is still a little far off. Example: I went on a date that was exactly 1 hour long. I put on real pants to sip soda and sit quietly to really loud Jazz music for one hour and then to be promptly taken home. Those kinds of dates don't lead to marriage, let alone grandbabies. Like they say patience is a virtue, that eager dads need to learn.
But now Thanksgiving has come and gone. I have two more weeks of school and then finals. And I have already had a couple of panic attacks. Luckily, I have a really good friend that knows some really good breathing techniques and a Mom who seems to make everything better. I am excited for this semester to be over. I have about 4 performances I have to prepare for and two finals. Soon I will hear if I was admitted into the Theatre Ed Program. And I will soon figure out if I can move out to the apartment that I have been eyeing. And then somehow I have to get to the airport to fly home. Lots of things are going on. But it isn't nothing new. Nothing I can't handle. And no matter what happens, in three weeks, it will all be over. That is the funny thing about time, it doesn't wait for you to be ready.
I also still have a giveaway going on! Click here to find out more!
Till next time!
- M

Oh I also dyed my hair brown. And I love it.

Meet the Fam Bam.

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving my family arrived last night! And I am so grateful for transportation and that they got here safely. Because I'm really focused on family, I wanted to take this time to tell you about mine. I have a friend that calls them crazy Scholz stories, so get ready for a couple crazy Scholz stories.

First off, let me introduce everybody to you.

Here are my lovely parents. I love them so very much. My Dad, Jeremy, is a 7th-grade science teacher and the best person to sneak out to get tacos with. My Mom, Jennifer, just started this year as a Kindergarten teacher and is the women who taught me to be the crafty, smart person that I am today. I laugh at this picture because I told my parents that it looks like a pregnancy announcement. But no baby here!

Here is my sister Madison. She is a year younger than me and is currently attending Utah Valley University. Madison currently works at Vivint and is having lots of fun in her first year of college.

Here is my sister Macie. She is a junior in high school and works really hard to balance school, church, and her job at an accounting firm. Macie is one of my favorite people because she is the chillest person I've ever met. Being with her,
you never have to worry about doing or saying something wrong because she doesn't care.

Here is my sister Molly. She just started high school this past year and she is killing it. She is on the  improv team, in ASB and in the musical this year. She is such a funny person and she doesn't even try.

Here is my brother Merrick. Man, this kid is just a ball of never ending ball of energy. This year he is a 7th grader and trying everything and everything. Which is good for him!

Here is my brother Miles. He tends to be everybody's favorite. He is uber small, but nevertheless he is in the 4th grade. And the funniest person in his grade.






So here are the 10 crazy Scholz stories for you.

1. We live in a two story house right now and Molly and Macie shared a room upstairs. Molly walks from the bathroom into her room wrapped up in a towel and then all of a sudden, lets out a blood-curdling screech. My dad books it upstairs into her you and she just screams, "there is someone looking at me." She brings my dad to her window and again shrieks. "Look there are eyes looking at me." My dad takes a look and begins to laugh. "Molly, that's your reflection."

2. Madison and I used to laugh because we used to think that Taco Bell only served soft and crunchy tacos and to learn that they had other items on their menu was a magical day. One time on a road trip Macie walked into Taco Bell and it was her turn to order and she goes up there and she orders. "I'd like a hamburger." Me, being the older sister that I am, lean over and tell her she can't get a hamburger. And Macie begins to get upset and continues to insist on the hamburger. At this point, the lady at the register has no idea what to do. And then she finally breaks down, "Fine, I'll have the chicken nuggets."

3. We moved around a lot when I was a kid, but there was this one house that had these pistachio trees that we all loved to climb. We were all pretty good at climbing trees except for the

boys because they were little. So Merrick was trying to climb down and somehow his belt loop got caught on a knot on the tree. Imagine a small boy hanging from a tree by his belt loop. Now that is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. And that's why it took so long for us to get our Mom to help him.

4. Like I said before we lived in a two story house so my mom bought a fire escape ladder just in case. She hide it in her closet. One weekend when my mom was gone, my dad and I thought that it would be fun to practice climbing out of our second story. We thought we were super sly and sneaky. But then we posted pictures on  Facebook so that backfired. Luckily, our mom is pretty chill.

5. When we lived in the house with the pistachio trees, at one point all the girls shared the master bedroom. We had to bunk beds in there and we invented a game. There would be one girl on the happened but we didn't pay for it.

bottom bunk and she would throw up stuffed animals and the girl on the top bunk would try and catch as many as they could. Merrick wasn't allowed to play, in a fit of anger he threw this big yellow stuffed duck up in the air and broke a ceiling fan blade. My parents were very upset and the girls were told that we have to pay for it. And me being the sassy person I was rallied up the troops to say that we weren't going to pay for it because it wasn't our fault. I don't remember what

6. I like to think that I am a nice person. When I was a little, I was kind of the worst. I was born in Provo and for a while we lived in Spanishfork. One winter morning my mom, my very pregnant mom, went out to go get the mail. She left the house in a robe to go trudge through the snow to grab the mail. I, being the small devil that I was, locked the door. Imagine being a pregnant woman getting to the door and it being locked. Calling out to your two small kids in the house, only for them not to come to the door. Somehow my mom crawled through a window and landed on her bed, like a small beached whale. (That's how she described the feeling to me, I am not being rude.)

7. As kids, we were always the cool kids on the block. Or so we thought.. We would always play games, one of our favorites were Survivor or competition games. We had this challenge we were supposed to be guiding our blind partner through a maze to the finish line. Me and Madison were going to lose. So I just yell RUUUUNNNNNNNN. And she does. Right straight on to a giant tree trunk. And she fell like a domino. It's hard to apologize when you are laughing so hard you can't breathe.

8. One of my favorite stories happened at Thanksgiving with the extended  family. We were at my grandma's house and the girls were all hanging out and the "boys" my Dad, my uncle Jeff and my uncle Tom went longboarding. They tied a rope to the back of a car and then rode behind it. Us girls were all in the kitchen nibbling on the dinner when all of a sudden, my uncle Jeff runs through the front door screaming, "I need a car! I need a car! Tom is in the ER!" We all thought it was a joke, but no, Jeff rushed Tom's wife to the ER. What had happened was Tom took a turn a little too wide, a little too fast and ended up landing in the middle of a parked car's windshield. The funny part is no one was drunk. We are just a little hardcore.

9. I love camping and I think it is mostly because of this one camping trip we went on. This camping trip was almost 6 years age. We went on a camping trip to Lost Lake, which really isn't a lake, more like a river. And the water was freezing but the air was hot. Even at night, so in the middle of the night we decided to go climbing through the water. Macie is afraid of fish, so wading through the dark water was not her favorite thing. So we were all freaking out trying to climb over these rocks because we can't see. We are yelling about how we are supposed to find rocks to step on. And then all you hear is Molly's tiny little voice, "all you have to do is follow your heart." We laughed so hard we fell into the water.

10. Here is another story while my mom was pregnant. (My mom had six kids, so she was pregnant a lot.) Because my dad was a science teacher we always have critters and a lot of times this often includes snakes. My mom was sweeping and all of a sudden here comes a black snake into the kitchen. Cue all the screaming. I jumped straight on the kitchen counter. Someone opened up the front door and my mom swept that little sucked right out the front door. My dad was upset, but the lesson here is pregnant women don't handle snake very well.




Well, there you have it 10 crazy Scholz stories! Make sure this Thanksgiving season, where ever you  are, remember those who make up your family.
As promised here is the giveaway, many of you asked about me selling my mail art. Instead, I'm going to do a giveaway! Comment below your favorite post of mine and you will be entered into the drawing for 4 homemade Christmas postcards ready for you to fill out and send! The contest will closeWednesday, December 2 at 12 AM and winners will be announced that morning.

Till next time!
- M

All you need is some chalk and some frozen toes. 11/16 - 11/22

Oh my heck. This week I don't think I slept at all but I had a pretty wonderful week. If bad things happened this week I don't remember them anymore. Which is pretty great. If you read last week's post, you know I was having a hard time with some stuff. But with a couple phone calls home and some good friends. That is all getting worked out. Tuesday I got to say good-bye to a good friend who left on his mission on Wednesday. He is hilarious and just all around good person. And I have a friend that gave his mission farewell today. Which makes me sad because I am really going to miss him. Which then makes me angry because we just became friends. So many people have walked into my life, made themselves important and walked out. Some had no choice, others completely did. Luckily, I have a really good stable support system so when these people come in and shake up my world, they keep me steady. But overall good times. Great times. I spent a lot of time this week socializing, Which for me although I am a huge introvert, is good for keeping me sane.

This weekend was the topper. Friday night I went bowling with a group of friends. It was me, Nicole, my sister and two return missionaries that got home that served back in the Fresno mission and one of their friends. It was really fun. We hadn't seen them in a long time and it was fun bowling instead of helping teach a lesson or when we were feeding the missionaries. There was this guy one lane over, he seemed to be bowling alone. He kept trying to give us bowling advice and kept offering us his chalk. Most of us laughed but one Elder (I guess I should really stop saying Elder. Because he's home. Lol.) but he paid attention and started getting a lot more strikes. So who knows, it may have been the chalk. It was really a great time and it didn't matter how awful I am at bowling. Then that night we decided to camp out in the line for BYU's last home game. Nicole had the brilliant idea of doing it. And I had the brilliant idea of making sure she didn't back out. So at one in the morning we set up a tent in the football line. And we slept there. Nicole, me, Ethan and Romney. AND OH MY GOSH. It was so cold. I have never been so cold in my whole life. It was 20 degrees most of the time. Although it dropped lower. I had a sleeping bag, a coat and a blanket. Ethan only had a blanket and a coat and then Nicole and  her friend Romney were sharing a blanket. But I woke up to go to the bathroom and Nicole told me to take her car keys. I don't know why but I left and went home haha. I grabbed every single blanket in our house and brought it back. I took one and then I just piled them on Ethan and Nicole. Nicole and Romney

left to get Starbucks and never came back. They instead opted for the warm car. Ethan and I made it the whole night. Neither of us actually slept. More like shivering with our eyes clothes. But we did it. Ethan said he got hypothermia and I just laughed it off. We packed up took turns leaving the line to shower and change and we were all in the stadium by 11AM and then finally the game started at 1. AND WE KICKED FRESNO'S TRASH. (That is a very Mormon saying and I hear it constantly. First time I actually used it though.) It was awesome. We were right behind the field goal and Madison and I kept Ethan's blanket hostage the whole game. And after being outside at the Stadium for 16 hours, it was over and we all went home. Right after we got home I dropped my sister off and went to go see BYU's production of Beauty and the Beast. It was amazing. There was no set, no castle, just to staircases that led to a platform and a million trap doors. Most everything was made up of the actors and it was glorious. And the Beast and Bell were married in real life so that just made me heart melt. 

I was told I was crazy. That I was going to freeze. (And I did, but no the point). But it was crazy fun. I had an amazing time. There was no crying, no stressing, just fun. And it was awesome. So maybe it was crazy, maybe it was too much. But I loved it. We often play it too safe and we stay home. We should go out more. We should be that kid that does the crazy stuff because life is short. Too short not to camp out in the middle of the night in Utah.  Be that girl. (Or guy.) because why not, don't be too afraid. Because then you will have a boring life and nothing to tell your grand-children. Find a tent and pitch it. 

Hey! I'll be doing a Q&A next Wednesday! So I need some questions! Comment below, email me, message me on Facebook, text, tell, smoke signal, etc. And watch for a giveaway on Wednesday's post! Till next time 

- M

What makes up makeup?

Welcome back, friends! So for this week I was asked by my friend and biggest fan from Abu Dhabi about makeup because she is just starting to venture into the world of foundation, lipstick and mascara. If you think this post will be boring. You're wrong. Because when I first started wearing make-up I was all about the green eyeshadow. And nothing can be boring with green eyeshadow.

In my house, we were allowed to get our ears pierced at 12, use makeup at 14 and then date at 16. This means I had been waiting to wear makeup for a long time. (But we still got away with using it for "play" and photo shoots. Which is how we ended up with the creepy picture to the left. A little too much America's Next Top Model that summer). All my friends were starting to wear it in middle school and then I finally turned 14 the summer before high school. That did not give me a lot of time to train myself on how to look like a super fly freshman. I definitely had some interesting times with makeup. Like I said I was a fan of the green eye shadow. When I was a freshman in high school I wore a flower in my hair practically every day and I had a lot of green flowers. Like any other practical human-being I matched my eyeshadow to my flowers. Which ended up with me going to school with some crazy makeup choices. No one stopped me or told me a looked dumb. (Though I do remember having a conversation with my mom about using neutral eyeshadow colors while in the Target parking lot. Yeah, luckily I took that into consideration.) The thing with makeup is you have to experiment. You won't know exactly what you are doing at first (I still have no idea) but you will learn and you will continue to learn. And there are so many platforms that can be used when it comes to learning about makeup such as Pinterest, Youtube, Instagram etc. Makeup can be so much fun and can be a great way to express yourself. I have a couple tips that will make makeup a little less scary.

1. Eyebrows should be on fleek. - In my humble opinion, your eyebrows are of the up-most importance. Take care of them. The first time I got them done, I felt extremely powerful. Like I could be the next President. (Sounds silly but you won't understand until you get them done.) Eyebrows can change the whole shape of your face, so take care of them.
2. M-O-I-S-T-E-R-I-Z-E. - This is extremely important. And I am really guilty of not doing this. I always pay for it in the end. Think of it as putting paint on a cracked, dried canvas in comparison to a fresh, smooth one. Your face is the canvas. Take care of it.
3. Wash yo face. - Never sleep with makeup on. You will break out. Every. Single. Time. Don't clog your pores on purpose. That's just dumb.
4. Avoid waterproof mascara. Unless you are going swimming or you know you are going to cry a lot. Avoid the waterproof products because it is really difficult to remove. Meaning you'll be wearing it for days after you put it on.
5. You pay for pigment. - This is actually a tip I picked up while I was in college listening to a makeup designer come in and speak to my Intro to Theatre class. She told us that when we buy makeup we are paying for pigment. Meaning that the cheap dollar store eyeshadow will have less color meaning, you'll have to use more to get that color to really show up. And that's why my expensive Naked 2 palette lasts forever because it has more pigment so I can use less of it.
6. Take Theatre. - This one I say kind of jokingly but stage makeup is an art. That can then help you with your day to day routine. I mean look at my flamingo makeup, definitely weaved that into my routine.

But I am definitely not the all knowing makeup God. So I have enlisted so helpers. These girls are really good friends of mine and they just happen to be very talented when it comes to makeup. We all had to take that first step and that first application, but since then, this is what they have learned.


First up is my friend Louise. We have been friends for a long time, since the 4th or 5th grade. We've seen each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. But today she always looks so put together and lovely. Here is what Louise has to say about makeup. (Louise also takes lots of great pictures, you should check her out on Insta @Rebelphotography3)

5 Thing I Wish Someone Would've Told Me About Makeup

For little girls makeup is often a rite of passage as they grow older their parents may allow them to wear more makeup than before. Learning the correct techniques for applying makeup once you've entered this new and magical world can be quite an adventure. With the endless different types of makeup that is out there today (eyeshadow, foundation, contouring, primers, etc…) entering this world can be a daunting task. Over the years, I've tried lots of different brands and types of makeup and accumulated some tips for those of you taking the leap into this new and confusing world that is makeup. 

1.Matching your foundation matters!

I cannot tell you the amount of times I've looked at a foundation and thought “that'll be the perfect color!” without testing it first. This can be such a disappointment when you finally go to wear your new wonderful foundation and it's off by a couple shades. Now fret not, there are some remedies for this unfortunate event. If you get a foundation too dark you can always try to return it or simply save it for summer when you'll be tan enough to wear it. If these things don't work and you absolutely have the wear the wrong color foundation I've found that applying a highlight to your cheeks, forehead, the bridge of your nose and chin can significantly lighten the overall look of your face. WARNING: it is always important to blend your foundation down your neck but it is even more important when the foundation is too dark. If your foundation is too light this is definitely not the end of world. Once again you can try to return it or use it in the winter when you will probably have a lighter skin tone. If this is not an option for you can alway use contouring to help darken you face. Contour the way you normally would. Do not add more contouring than you normally would! So a simple way to avoid all of this nonsense it to always test your foundation before you buy it, especially if you're shelling out the big bucks for a brand name foundation

2.You pay for the quality you get, most of the time….

Now for most of us we have a strict budget that does not include spending sixty plus dollars on makeup when we do need something new. However, there are certain products that are worth spending a little more for. 

Eyeshadow primer: this is one products, I would recommend putting some money into. A good primer can make any eyeshadow look better and last longer. I personally use Urban Decay matte primer which is $20. Normally I would not be spending $20 on one single product but I have had the primer for about a year now and haven't had to buy a new one yet.

Eyeshadow: eyeshadow is definitely something that you will get every penny out of. I have found that often drugstore eyeshadow tends to be dull and fall apart or they get used up easily. Buying quality eyeshadow can make a huge difference in the overall look. Most pallets come with at least ten colors and they last quite a while even if you use them ever yday. I've had the Naked 2 palette from Urban Decay for about two years and I have yet to need to replace any of colors. 

Foundation: this is one product that I personally prefer to buy from the local Target or Rite Aid. For my skin I have found that Neutrogena's line of foundations are the only ones that don't cause my skin to break out. This is one of the few products that between an $8 or $40 foundation I haven't seen a quality difference (and I have bought a $30 dollar foundation that I hardly ever use.) The key to finding a foundation that is a good match for you is knowing your skin type and finding a foundation that works with it. 

Eyeliner and Lipstick: these are two more products that I have never paid more than $10 for. When it comes to eyeliner it's all pretty much the same. Whether you use pencil, liquid or gel eyeliner is more about technique than quality. You could buy the most expensive eyeliner on the market but if you don't know how to apply it won't make a difference. Lipstick is a little different. I am an avid lipstick wearer and I'm sure that there are some very quality lipsticks out there that are more than $7 but it is easier to buy 10-$7 lipsticks than 10-$20 lipsticks and for me lipsticks are the more the merrier. 

     3. Less is more

Often times it is easy to get carried away with all the different thing out there especially when it comes to facial products! The liquid and powder foundations, concealers, pore minimizers, contouring, bronzers, blush, highlighting it's easy to go overboard. I think the key is to always use less than you think you need to. This goes for about any makeup you put on your face, the more subtle to better. Don't get me wrong, you want to have a good amount of coverage, but you also don't want to end up looking like you're wearing a mask. 

     4. Find a makeup routine that make sense to you

There are so many video and tutorials out there on the internet that give a million different ways on the order in which you should apply your makeup. Foundation or concealer first? Eyeshadow or foundation first? Eyebrows or eyeshadow first? Honestly, there's no wrong or right way to decide which order to apply your makeup in. It's good to experiment with different orders and techniques until you find the best way for you! 

    5. Have fun! 

Makeup is supposed to be fun. Although it can be hard sometimes makeup is something you should put on because it makes you feel good and you have fun do it. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for the makeup you do or don't wear.

Another lovely lady is my best friend Jenni! We always say that we were friends in the womb. My mom claims that I didn't mean Jenni until a couple years after I was born. But we were definitley friends while in utero. I have always looked up to Jenni when it comes to makeup. She always pulls off whatever she does. It's kind of amazing. So here is what she says about makeup. 

Makeup is so dope! I spent a lot of my early teenhood “not liking” makeup because it represented all the femininity that I was ashamed of having. But then I, like, did the opposite of what people consider a stereotypical feminist awakening when I was fourteen I found Rookie Magazine and Virgie Tovar and IMMEDIATELY started rubbing makeup all over my face. BEWARE OF LIBERATION, LADIES. It led me to red lipstick and quality skincare.

I found a lot of freedom in being able to decide how I looked, and I got a lot of comfort from the daily ritual of putting makeup on each morning. Those are the two main things that I love about makeup. It’s something that I have to stop and do. I have to physically look at myself and be nice to my face. I like to put a lot of ceremony into my beauty routine. I do things in the same order, and I sit down on the floor so I can really focus on the application. I also like to turn on a podcast or audiobook while I do it. It’s twenty minutes of the most serene self-care out there.

I know that the process is different for everyone, but for me, making room for makeup in my life is almost sacred – it’s the kind of self-love that makes me feel like I can face a day. You can get that from all kinds of things, and makeup isn’t the only thing in my life that makes me feel that way. But it sure is a big one. There is something about physically putting on war paint that makes me feel like I can tackle anything. It’s less about how it makes me look and more about the principle of caring for myself that intensely. It’s nice to consider my face the kind of thing that deserves to be painted.

Last but certainly not least, one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Marissa! Marissa is definitely a makeup role model. She did own makeup for proms and plays. She was always fabulous and always willing to help others to feel just as fabulous. I definitely say listen to Marissa. 

First off, if you are reading this, you are beautiful with or without makeup! But I think that makeup is an awesome way to express yourself, and it can sometimes be a confidence booster. I am, in no way, an expert at makeup but it is so much fun to express myself with the power of makeup. Growing up, I loved watching my mom do her makeup, and couldn't wait until the day that I was allowed to wear it. Personally, I do not wear makeup everyday, but I do have certain makeup styles for different places; like school or date nights. To save money, I try to buy my makeup from drug stores like Walgreens or CVS. I've tried almost every drug store brand, but my absolute favorite is CoverGirl. I just recently started using Mary Kay, but it can be on the expensive side. I do not want to bore you with different makeup tutorials, because there is no "right way" to wear makeup. But I will include a few ways that I like to do my makeup.

On days that I have school, I don't really have a lot of time to put on a full face of makeup. I start by using moisturizer before anything. I have tried so many different moisturizers, but I am using Garnier 2-in-1 moisturizer right now. Then, I put on my Mary Kay foundation primer, Cover Girl True Match foundation and powder, and I sometimes use my Mary Kay bronzer. If I wake up early enough, and have enough energy to do so, I put on a little bit of mascara. When I go on a date, or out with friends, I do the same exact thing, with a few more steps. I fill in my eyebrows with brown eyeshadow and an eye shadow brush. I also use Elf liquid eyeliner. Again, if I'm not feeling lazy, I will do a smokey eye shadow. I recently started wearing Elf lipstick, but I haven't decided if I love it yet. 

There you have it, folks. Makeup tips by girls who had to learn just like you. I hope you learned something, had a laugh or was able to relate. Here to your left is a selfie as evidence that the green eyeshadow is long gone. (This picture was taken right before I went on one of the dates from "The Dates from Hell" post!) I  If you have any comments, questions feel free to ask. And if you ever have a suggestion for a post let me know! Start thinking of questions though, it's almost December! I'll be posting a Q&A on the 2nd.

Good Ole' Friday the 13th.

After I got locked in my roommate's room and I got over the anger that came with that, I started to joke. I started to laugh. I made this joke. I had dropped a mirror before I started school this year. Because all these crazy wacky things were happening to me. And it was funny. But then this Friday I ended up getting the bad news. The news that I had been dreading to hear. I moved from the dorms last year and my roommates parents bought a townhouse and I was invited to live there. I was so excited. It is a beautiful place, with a big kitchen and even it's own washer and dryer. I finally in all my 19 years of living would have my own room. I was beyond stoked. I got to live with my best friends. I moved all my stuff out here to Utah because I actually had a home. A place I could live until I moved on from being a single college student. I made this place my home. There was a problem though. BYU requires for all its single undergrad students to live in BYU approved apartments. This townhouse was not approved, but we were assured that it would get approved. And then it didn't. It was because the house was too far away from campus. And I am all too familiar with because of he many times I've walked home. The many bus rides. And the many times I've had to ask for a ride. But there was still a glimmer of hope. I could get a whole ton of information and submit and then get a waiver. I finally got all the information together and sent in. They said that I could get the waiver. That I could live there till April, but then I would have to move. No re-submitting the waiver. I would have to relocate. That was the news I didn't want to get. Because I found a home. I found my space in this sea of college students. Now I was being evicted from the place I found.I feel like every single time I try and make a decision for myself it falls through. I get screwed over and in the end I feel alone and incapable. Before you try and fix me. Force me to believe that everything is okay. Listen to what I am saying. Just because I am sad and upset doesn't mean I'm irrational, it means that I am experiencing life. My Mom got me this self-help book and before I threw it in the back of a drawer, I read a couple pages. It spoke about how when we have pains the first step to healing is not fixing them but acknowledging them. The book gave some weird analogies about a man acknowledging his stomach pain and talking to the anxiety inside him. Saying "Hey, I know you're there." It was weird, but there is a point to it. And so for this moment in time I will not try to fix myself. I will not try to make everything okay. Because at this moment I will acknowledge what I think and what I am feeling. I feel like I got screwed over. Not that this was anyone's fault, but I got the shortest straw. I didn't want to leave. I was assured that everything would work out and it didn't. And I have to deal with it. And I am upset. I don't understand why I can't stay. Every single thing I try fails.And fails miserably. I haven't felt successful in a long time. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do this. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do this because I feel like I am constantly battling upstream and I just keep getting knocked down. And this final straw is the one that is going to break me. I lay in bed and I cry because I brought my own bed to Utah. And soon I am not going to have away where to put it. It truly stresses me out.I sit in my room and I cry because it's not going to be mine anymore. I feel like no really cares and just thinks that I am just being dramatic. But I can't sleep because I am so anxious and stressed. I can't do anything and it tears me apart. So I watch Grey's Anatomy and I eat crackers so that I can just for a moment think of something else that doesn't put my stomach in knots. I only have 10 episodes left and that isn't going to last very long. But I will take what I can get. And you know what makes me feel worse. Here I am blubbering about my own problems when an actual disaster happened on Friday and people lost their lives. So many people stopped breathing and their hearts stopped beating. And here I am feeling sorry for myself. And that makes me feel like a monster. But I am feeling and I can't just stop. I am experiencing. I am experiencing this crappy fluid young adult life where nothing is stable. Where you don't live in a single place for longer than a year. Where you don't have classes longer than 4 months. Where you don't know how exactly you are going to pay for everything. Where people come in and out of your life constantly. Where your weight, schedule, and money in your bank account fluctuate as if it was their job. I hate it. I hate not knowing. Not being able to plan to fix things. It sucks. But I am doing it. I am dealing with it. I know that somehow I am going to deal with it. I am going to figure it out. But for right now I just want to feel. I want to acknowledge my feelings. I want to be heard, not fixed for the moment. I think that we often tend to skip this part. We see sadness as a disease that we have to get rid of as fast as we can. I think we should stop trying to fix ourselves all the time and for a moment be okay with being an emotional human being. If you made it to the end of this post, please take this away. We don't always need to be fixing ourselves. Healing is a process and we can't just make it better. I am working on it, but it takes time.
Till next time.
- M

Become a First Date Guru.

I know a lot of you have read about my bad dates. And if you haven't, click here: http://mccakesplace.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-dates-from-hell.html. But not every date I have been on has been awful. Although I make it seem pretty bad. I am just dramatic. In all honesty, I love first dates. They are pretty much my favorite. And it breaks my heart to hear all these girls (because guys don't complain to me) talk about how awkward and awful their first dates are. But here I am to bestow my own dating knowledge upon you, so you can be a First Date Guru.
Let us begin.

1. Don't be afraid to share. - First, off this really doesn't have to do with the sharing of items or space but of one's self. Don't be afraid to express who you are, share stories, share ideas. One of the greatest qualities you can have is being AN EASY TALKER. You don;t have to share your theory on why we were put on this Earth, but for the love, please talk about something more interesting than the weather or the color of your toothbrush. Don't be afraid to share little pieces of you because that is exactly how we begin to fall in love. (Mushy, I know. But nonetheless I think it's true.) Most people think this is really hard, But it's basic interaction. Stop thinking so much about what they are going to think and begin thinking about what they are saying and what that makes you think of or how it makes you feel. Do this and you are always off to a great start,

2. Don't be afraid of silence - Yes, you and your date should be talking. But, silence isn't bad. Silence doesn't automatically mean something bad, Silence can happen for a lot of reasons, they may just be thinking about something. The greatest line you can use is, "what are you thinking about?" Because at that moment they are either a.) going to actually say what they are thinking b.) come up with something to say to distract from whatever they were actually thinking. In both options your date is going to begin to speak about something that they are interested in or something on their mind. Which can be really exciting because you are going to learn something new and have the ability to become a confidant. But don't fear the silence. It doesn't mean the date is bad. It is just a human response to life.

3. Don't talk about the date, while on the date - This is a big thing. Stop talking about the date while you are still on the date. Nothing bugs me more when guys say stuff like, "wow this date is really bad," "I hope this isn't your worst date," "I bet this date is the best one you've been on." Do you know how weird that sounds? Newsflash. The date isn't over yet. What do you expect your date to say? This is a huge turnoff for me. Dates are an experience and experiences have to be unpackaged and thought about. Which tends to be afterward. And often isn't directly discussed with the date. You'll probably never know exactly what your date thinks unless they tell you, after they have thought about it on their own. So stop bringing the date, you're currently on, up as if it is a subject you guys can discuss. It's not.

4. Keep the dates short - First dates should never be longer than 3 hours. I bet you are thinking three hours? That seems like a long time. And yet, I've been on a first date that, I kid you not, was 9 hours. OH MY HECK. I didn't even know the guy and I spent more than I had with anyone that whole month. I know you want to do something fun. But it is just a first date, you don't have to cram everything into one night. Please, if you respect your date. Don't make them hang around with you all day and all night. Have you ever had a sleepover where you party all night and then the next morning you have that one friend that won't leave. You want to nap, shower and maybe relax a little. But that friend is always there and then you begin to slightly hate them. And it grows and grows and grows. I digress. You don't want your first date to make that girl/guy you've been pining over feel sick of you. Leave your date wanting more. The last thing you want is from them to be praying to be put out of their misery. Also a note for girls, it's okay to ask to be taken home. If you are out and about it's okay to suggest that the date end. Just don't be rude.

5. It's not awkward until you say the word awkward - The last word that should ever be said on a first date is the "a-word." Sure. I understand first dates can be A-W-K-W-A-R-D. BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY IT. It would be like saying, "Hey look at that huge elephant in the room. Let's address it and make everyone uncomfortable." It is only awkward if you point it out. Move past it. Don't make everyone aware of it.

6. Keep experimentation to a minimum - This has to do with how you look. I have made this mistake several times. I will try something new right before I go on a date. Winged eyeliner, middle part, wearing substantial amounts of black. None of these things are my norm. Which is exactly why I would think it was a good idea to try right before a date. Because it's new and it's fun. Most of the times it ends up looking bad, I end up feeling self-conscious, and it greatly affects how I feel on the date. Keep it simple. Keep it you. Experiment with your look, just not right before a date.

7. Make sure the details are ironed out -  This is such a big deal. I have a friend and she went on a date with this guy, who was supposed to take her hiking. She was so excited. He ended up losing his license, asking her to pick him up, had no idea where the hike was found. Eventually, they got to the national park where the trail head was he didn't have cash to pay the entering fee and neither did she. They ended up turning back and ending the date with one taking a single step on the trail. How sad. You can't plan for everything on a date but please don't just wing it. Because then we end up getting together only to deal with problems we could have avoided.

8. Watch the smells - I know you are expecting me to to tell you to make sure you put on deodarant and brush your teeth. But that isn't the point here. (Although you should be doing those things.) Be carefull with perfume and cologne. One time I was hanging out with a group of friends and I gave this guy a hug. His cologne gave me a rash on my neck. It looked like a big ole' hickey. Really embarrasing. Not everyone has super senstive skin like me but be considerate. Rashes, headaches and sneezing can all come from the strong chemcials that make up colonge and perfume.

9. No lip-locking - Don't kiss on the first date. I get it emotions are high and so are hormones. If you kiss on the first date, not matter how awful this sounds, kisses will be expected in the future. Once you lean in, it's hard to go back. There will always be that thought of "Are we supposed to kiss every date?" "Do I kiss hello?" "Good-bye?" First dates don't earn kisses. Think a little about it before you go in. Yeah I am aware of what I just said. Thinking and kissing, difficult? Sure. But pull yourself together, you're not a barbarian.

10. Leave it all on the stage - This phrase comes from the theatre world. After an audition. they tell you to just do your best and then walk out of the room. One you leave the room, don't think about the audition. You'll torture yourself with the endless possibilities. The same can be directly applied to dating. Once the date is over stop thinking about it. Something comes of it, cool. If it doesn't, cool. But don't think about it until you get there.

Well, there you have it. You're basically on your way to marriage. Okay, that's a little fast. But dating should be fun. Stop making it hard and scary. Get out there and experience. The best advice I can give you is just to stop pressuring yourself and to just go and feel it out. You can do this because now you are a first date guru. If you think I missed a rule or if you disagree with my advice I would love to hear your thoughts. I would also love to hear any success stories or awful dates stories. Well, until next time!
- M

If you really have a hard time with dates. Make you're sister share a frosty with you. It won't help you out. But you'll be sharign a frosty with someone so you can't feel that lonely.