I create weird ways in which the way life is supposed to work. Not truly thinking about it, I've always had this idea that a boy should always fight for you. The idea that in the face of adversity they would still pursue you or else they just didn't care enough about you. I don't know where this screwed up way of thinking came from, maybe from the numerous chick flick marathons that I have participated in. But nonetheless, it's kind of a dumb way to think. However, let's drop the guy for a moment. How about the idea that in the face of adversity we still fight for ourselves, we pursue our needs, wants, and fight for our happy ending. This a much better way to think, well just in my perspective.
This week was an emotional rollercoaster. I called my mom a lot this week.
I had this big plan. To move into an apartment complex with one of my friends, that is already living there. She had an open bed and sign-ups were on Tuesday. So we were ready and excited. And it didn't happen. I was so frustrated. Because I had felt like this was what was supposed to happen, that I had felt prompted and led to do this. And I was mad. I was heart-broken. But more importantly, I was lost. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. There is a swing set outside our house. So in the snow, I just sat there and cried. I cried and cried while dragging my feet in the snow. I left a very sad voicemail for my mom and eventually the crying stopped. And I just sat and left the snow alone. I made a choice. I could sit here and be mad. Or I could get up and try to do something about it. I came inside, still a little mopey and I started looking around and make some calls. And by Friday, I signed a contract.
I found a place that was affordable and supposedly really fun to live.
Most people I talk to understand. Others don't. In the end, it's not their choice. It's mine. And it's hard for me to explain why I did it. But I felt it before I did it. I am excited for what is in store for me.
Also, I got accepted into the Theatre Education program at BYU. A huge weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I am nervous and excited to start taking classes and pursuing my dream. I am excited for auditioning next semester and doing what I love.
I also initiated 2 dates this week. I didn't want to stay home on the weekend. So I didn't. Go me.
Life can be hard. Trust me. I know this to be true with every part of me. But that isn't the end-be-all. We have to get up. Get off the swings in the snow and get to work, because no one is going to fight for you, if you don't fight yourself. Be the strong person you know yourself to be. Because you can do this.
Till next time,
- M
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