A year ago from next month, a strange timeline but that is what it is, I embarked on my first year of college. Unlike a lot of the kids, or if you prefer to call them adults, I was not attending Fresno State or a college 4-5 hours away in California. I decided to move 12 hours away to a different state. And I was excited, proud, and extremely nervous. My first semester was everything that it should’ve been. It was challenging, unpredictable and really fun. I worked, took 15 units and had a blast. After that, my roommate showed me the ropes of air travel and soon I was home for Christmas Break. Again, unlike the other students around me, I only had 2 weeks of Christmas vacation and that thought was always in the back of my mind. So as I tried to enjoy visiting my family and the Christmas holiday, I would get overwhelmed with the fact that I would have to leave again. It hurt my heart that family events and activities would proceed without me and one night I fell apart in the lap of my Mom begging her to let me stay. And her wise words still did not completely soothe me but nevertheless they drove me and my roommate to the airport and we left for the cold, not so quiet campus. A couple weeks later I had planned a quick trip to come home for the weekend to see a high school show and visit my family and friends again. I caught a red-eye flight and soon I was home. This was probably not the best thing I could’ve done. I was able to visit and love on my friends and family for two days and then I had to return home. Which broke my heart even more. I got back to school extremely tired, because I decided traveling all night and into the morning was a good idea. I skipped church to sleep and tunneled my way into my bed and I cried. I cried enough to quench this awful California drought. But because I was too proud I decided that I was fine and I would get over it. I continued going to school and going through the motions and nothing change. I felt like I was stuck in the dark and I didn’t know what to do. I began to journal, read, do yoga just to help me feel better. And one night I came home with a letter from my best friend (and if you are reading this know that I love you so much) and in that letter she told me that her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I can’t remember what stage, but I just knew that it was serious. And that, my friends, was my breaking point. I at my dorm desk at 1 in the morning and I cried until my roommate new that something was wrong. And I am so blessed to have a roommate that cares so much for me. But I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said everything. I was mad at God for making life so unfair, I was mad at myself for all the choices I made that led to this moment in a place so far from home, I was mad at my friends, I was mad at my parents for thinking I could do this, and I was just mad. And my sweet, sweet roommate hugged me and asked me if I wanted a blessing from our friend Stephen. And those who are not familiar with the LDS or Mormon religion, a blessing is exactly what it sounds like. A man who has authority and the power lays his hands on your head in order to give you guidance and comfort by expressing the things that God would like you to know. And for many of you that may seem very abstract and out-there but to me it was very familiar. However, I said no. I didn’t want to bother Stephen especially because I told him recently that I was mad at him and that we were just acquaintances. And yet Nicole helped me put on a sweater and walk over to the boy’s dorms. And Stephen being the kind person that he is, spoke to me about what I was feeling and then gave me a blessing. And I felt this great weight of comfort and stability come around me like a hug as he spoke clearly and calmly about how God was watching out for me. In a time where my Mom and Dad couldn’t hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. My best friends were able to lift me up in such a way as to help me finish my freshman year and do it happily. (And if you must know I told Stephen we were friends again after this encounter). The only thing I regret about my freshman year is that I didn’t enjoy it sooner. And I know that every college student doesn’t commune with God, has great roommates or even has trouble moving away. But I did. And I know that I am not alone in this. Which is the exact the reason I am writing this very post. Because you can do it. You may not be able to do it alone, but what fun would that be.
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