One of my goals this summer was to post on my blog twice a week, once on Monday and once on Wednesday. And throughout the summer I failed time and time again. Weeks went by with no post at all but that was then and I am going to continue to try and post twice a week. This being said, Monday’s post will be reserved for a weekly recap and Wednesday will be more of an opinion piece. I was inspired to do this format by all the missionary emails I get every week, I like reading about how they are doing so I figured someone might want to read about mine. And if not it will still be beneficial for me. So let us begin.
8/31/15-9/6/15
This week was my first week of my second year at Brigham Young University. Here in good ole’ Provo. And what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. Summer was really good to me and moving back and going back to school was pretty overwhelming. This semester I have 6 classes: Exploration of Theatre Teaching, Theatre History. Shakespeare, Acting Fundamentals, New Testament and Intro to Food Science. Those classes all make sense except for the Food Science class, but I needed one credit to keep my scholarship and this one doesn’t have a final and meets once a week. So that is good enough for me. Actually only two of the six have actual finals, so that is exciting. I have a tough load a head of me in addition to the 15 hours of work every week. But I know I can do it. Monday and Tuesday I went to my classes for the first time and I hated everything. I was so tired, I was really angry, I was mad that I had to work so hard and that I had to be on campus for so long every day. But then I reminded myself that it was only the 2nd day of school and that things would get better. So Wednesday was better, I was happy. And then Thursday I just kind of lost it. Learning Suite was down, so homework couldn’t be done and I was upset. I missed being at home. I missed my friend in Hanford and all over the world. I missed feeling productive and needed. I missed teaching with the missionaries. I was hung up on all the things that I couldn’t have in my life right now. And I just had no will to do anything. I felt really alone.
I have an amazing support system though. That week I had people text, call, and Facebook message all to see if I was doing well. And I am sure not everyone one of them knew that I needed a friend. I am so grateful for every kind thought that was sent my way. And I am so grateful that God knew exactly where I was in my life and exactly what I needed. So my goal for this next week is to be positive and to try and do my best and that is all anyone can ask for. This week I have read a lot of scriptures and prayed a lot. Because that is where I am able to find peace. So I keep trying. I keep working hard because I know this exactly where I am supposed to be. I get really frustrated when I am sad because I am not supposed to be sad. College is supposed to be great and fun. I am supposed to grow and have a bunch of experiences to tell my children. But right now I am not. And that is frustrating and what is even more frustrating is that I have felt like this last year. I thought I had grown up a lot but apparently I hadn’t which was frustrating as well. So that is where I am at right now. I draw and send out a lot of mail because that relaxes me, I eat a lot of chocolate because that makes me feel better for a moment, and then I pray a lot to feel peace. Right now that isn’t where I want to be, but that is okay. I accept that, that is where I am. And all I can do is proceed forward. And I am excited, excited to see what is in store for the future. But I will take it one day at a time.
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