New year. New Me?

I feel really emotional.

And that is nothing new. And yet it still makes me mad. I get frustrated with how easily I cry. Especially now that I really don't have any space. I moved into a new apartment. With a bunk bed, Flash back to when I was in elementry school. And the giant crack between the wall and my top bunk is not the only thing scaring me.

I am really bad at change, which makes college really hard for me. For the maximum amount of time where things stay the same is 4 months. I long for the day when I don't have to be afraid of change.

But for now change knocks me around all the time.

Friday night I drove from Hanford to Pacific, stay the night, woke up really early in the morning, drove to Oakland and got on a plane. I landed in Provo packed up my apartment and moved my stuff to the new one. And no one was there. For like hours. You know what is nerve-wracking? Being in a place that technically part yours but feeling as if you don't belong. And then not knowing when any of them are coming back. So I cried a lot that day. And today too. Go me.

I am almost moved in.

Except the kitchen, they have a weird system. And I have been told that I need to move my dishes and label my food and lots of other things which is bad. But when one of your roommates comes to you and says, "Hey we are just trying to be really accomadating," and then just stares at you. The maybe  sincere comment just made feel on the outside. I sit in my room and I hear them commenting on how they need to sit me down and tell me how the apartment runs. So I sit in my room with my headphones in as they all catch up because I am the new girl. And not the mysterious cool girl, just the girl who put her go-gurt in the wrong place.

Who knows maybe I'll figure out the right place to put my go-gurt.
Till next time.
- M